If an individual chooses to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity to you it is important that you take some time to review your own feelings, prejudices, and heterocentric ideals. The coming out process can be difficult for surrounding individuals in a similar way as it is to the actual individual. Below are some things to keep in mind when an individual chooses to come out to you:

How might someone feel after someone else comes out to them?

• Scared
• Shocked
• Disbelief
• Uncomfortable
• Not sure what to say or do
• Concern for them
• Supportive Feelings
• Flattered
• Honored
• Angry
• Disgusted
• Feeling that they are coming on to you

Tips on what NOT to say:

• You’re just going through a phase
• It’s just because you have never had a relationship with someone of the opposite sex
• You can’t be gay- you’ve had relationships with individuals of the opposite sex
• You can’t be a lesbian you’re too pretty
• You can’t be gay you’re to manly
• You’re just depressed
• You’re just confused
• You need some therapy and it will all be better
• You just need to go to church and they will fix you
• Do you really want to be gay?
• When did you choose to be gay?
• You don’t want to be gay, you will get AIDS!
• It’s not normal to want to be the other gender/sex
• Do you like to wear women’s/men’s clothing all the time?
• How do you know you’re gay?
• Have you had sex with someone of the same sex yet?
• Make sure you take some condoms with you
• Which do you like better, men or women?
• It’s about time you came out; I always knew you were gay!
• I love gay people!
• Some of my best friends are gay!

Tips of how you can help someone who comes out to you:

• Remember that the person has not changed. They are still the same
• person who you knew before; you just have more information about them than you previously had.
• If you are shocked, don’t let the shock lead you to view the person as suddenly different.
• Don’t ask questions that would have been considered rude within the relationship you had before they disclosed their sexual orientation or gender identity.
• Recognize that everyone’s experience is unique and don’t assume you know what a LGBTQ individual is going through.
• Remember that they may not want or need you to do anything. Often it is simply affirming for the individual to disclose this personal
• information.
• Consider it an honor that they have trusted you with this very personal information. Thank them for trusting you.
• Clarify with them what level of confidentiality they expect from you. You never want to share this personal information with others without their consent.
• If you don’t understand something or have questions, remember that persons who are LGBTQ are often willing to help you understand more. But remember they are not experts of ALL LGBTQ people. If you want to learn more utilize your resources not these students.
• If you find yourself reacting negatively, remember that your feelings may change. Try to leave the door open for further communication.
• Remember that you too are never alone and that there is a network of Safe Zone Allies here to support both you and your students.
• If you would like more information, ask in an honest and respectful way. If you show genuine and respectful interest in their life, they will most likely appreciate it. Some good questions are:

-How long have you been aware that you were LGBTQ?
-Are you seeing someone special?
-Has it been difficult for you?
-Is there some way I can help you?